Im at strip club and am horny
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Holy shit dude........stairs
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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