But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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