just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
