So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
