Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
