my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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