bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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