Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
