i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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