Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
