I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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