someone owes me an orgasm
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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