He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
