There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
