wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
