you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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