I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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