just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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