So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
farters have to be the big spoon...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
