If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
one might say we're banned from that church
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
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