Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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