did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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