the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
