I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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