I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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