God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The air taste purple.
Randomize
