she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
