My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
