i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I deserve this hangover.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
