dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
