It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
