I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
