You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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