Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
