I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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