So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
