Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
