He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
