He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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