Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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