I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
