i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
