The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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