if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
