I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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