I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
