My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
