so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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