I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I need to sanitize my soul.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i think i just lost a toe
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