So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
