I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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