dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
