I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
