well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
