well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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