I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Two words: blizzard sex
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
