I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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