with your own penis?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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