just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
