they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
No subtext here. People are naked.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
