I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
